Beta 3 and 5 week photo

I went in for my 3rd beta today and to have a follow up ultra-sound for my OHSS. To my surprise, I got to see my little sesame seed! (And to my mother's relief, there's just one little sesame seed!) My beta came back at 2018 which was a good rise from 208 seven days ago. My enlarged ovaries are looking better too - right ovary down from 13 cm to 7 cm. I thought they would be smaller because I have not been feeling as much pressure. Husband wasn't there for baby's first photo (hence my doctor's cute note on the ultrasound) - I told him I had no idea that we would be seeing anything - I thought we were just checking on my ovaries again. I am exactly five weeks along today with a due date of June 29th.

5 week photo - the black bean looking thing in
the upper left of the picture is him!

Work has been crazy stressful lately, and Monday night I woke up in the middle of the night in a somewhat state of panic about all of the work stress that I am under. I am so fearful that the stress will somehow negatively impact the pregnancy, and I know if something happens I will wonder if it was stupid work stress that caused it. So right then and there at 3 am as I lay in bed, I decided that I was going to tell my boss about what was going on (and what had been going on over the last year with the miscarriages - he only knew about my first one). I also asked to work from home for a few days - I can't stop working on my current project because I am really needed, but I do think working from home helps shield me from some of the stress and urgency around the whole project. I was SO happy with the supportive response that I have gotten not just from my direct boss but the entire management chain up to the top. They have told me that I can work from home whenever I feel it's necessary for my physical or emotional health.

So I am back to trying to be positive, but honestly, I am scared to death of all of this ending. Lots of prayers, positive thinking and deep breathing over the next 9 days until I can see my sesame seed again!

Beta 2 and OHSS

This will be quick. I am exhausted. Between my recent demanding work schedule and dealing with my doctor's appointments and new found ailment, it is taking all of the strength I have not to get in bed right now. Had 2nd beta yesterday, HCG went from 92 to 208 in 48 hours, so good rise! I go back on Wednesday for another beta. In the mean time, I have been having horrible stomach bloating, intestinal distress (sorry for the Too Much Information) and nausea. At first I was thinking it was just the beginning of pregnancy sickness, but this morning as I was laying in bed, feeling my abdomen, I realized I felt some really hard spots that weren't normally there. A couple weeks back when I had been complaining about all of the pain that I had around ovulation, one of my commenters mentioned that maybe I had minor OHSS. I had googled it - Ovarian Hyper-stimulation Syndrome. Suddenly it clicked, that maybe that's why i was feeling so bad. So I left a message for the nurse this morning and she called me back before lunch. She said it was unlikely that someone who hadn't done IVF would have this, but if I'd like to come in, they would certainly see me. (I did remind her that I had 10 follicles!!) So I went in and sure enough, my ovaries are huge - right ovary measuring about 13 cm (normally 2cm)!! Left was enlarged as well. I also had a small amount of fluid outside of my uterus. Doctor comfirmed moderate OHSS and said there is nothing I can do - unless it gets unbearable and then they could somehow drain some of the fluid. He said it shouldn't get much worse, but likely might not get much better for a couple months. Oh great! It's a really strange ailment - manifests itself in different ways at different times. Seems to get worse in the evenings when my belly becomes bloated and as hard as a rock. I have been feeling my best in the mornings. They will take another look at my ovaries next week when I go in for 3rd beta. Man, never a dull moment....

SHOCKED

I.......AM.......PREGNANT. Just typing the words is crazy to me. The last 48 hours, I was SO sure that I WAS NOT pregnant. Yesterday I felt super premenstrual and just knew for sure that my period was on it's way. This morning I woke up with a dull headache that immediately made me think of PMS. I told my husband this morning before we left for work, so I really think I am not pregnant. I didn't want either of us to have our hopes up. So I went in at 8am for the blood-draw and they promised me a phone call by the end of the day. Luckily, I had a really busy day at work, so I wasn't fretting too much (plus, I had already convinced myself that I wasn't pregnant, so this was just a technicality). The nurse called around 3:30 - I excused myself from the meeting I was in to take the call in the hallway. The nurse started by asking, so you came in this morning for your first HCG qaunt? I was thinking, is this really a question? Yes. Then she said, well, I have a question for you. Yes. Have you taken an at home pregnancy test? At that point, some small spark of hope was ignited, I was thinking, she wouldn't be asking me that if it was negative would she? I answered, nope. She said, well then I have really great news for you, YOU ARE PREGNANT! I was really touched by how genuinely excited she seemed to be for me. After blurting out some words of disbelief, I immediately asked what my level was at. She said, you were at 92 which is really good because we like you to be at 50. Then I asked about next steps. She said I would come back on Wednesday (two days) for another HCG quant. So, there you have it...after this whirlwind month of needles and procedures, we managed to pull this off. I gave my husband big kuddos tonight. I said, do you realize that the every time that they have gotten my meds right and I have ovulated, we have gotten pregnant. Those are such unbelievable odds! I told him he must have some really good stuff. :-) We totally realize that this is only the first step in a marathon that lies ahead for us, but at least we are on the course. And everyday I am going to be thankful for being pregnant and send as much love and good vibes as possible to our new little bean.

Looking towards Monday

Quick post to check in. In less than 48 hours, I'll know if this three ring circus we call fertility treatments worked for us this round. I have gone back and forth on my pessimism / optimism scale. My default is 100% pessimistic, but whenever I feel a twinge, cramp, ache, soreness, or experience some other strange symptom (including several nose bleeds), I'll think, well, maybe there is a chance. I am hoping, praying, wishing that this works. I have lots of mixed emotions on the next step if this month is negative. I'll elaborate if I'm forced to cross that bridge, but to sum it up, I've gotten pregnant twice just the good old fashioned way (with a little clomid and a good every other day schedule), and now because I am seeing an RE for my losses, he is treating me the way he treats his other patients, many of who have a very hard time getting pregnant. I just feel like we are being too agressive and not letting my body do what it's supposed to do. Probably over analyzing, but what else can you possibly do during the two week wait.

Stay tuned to Monday....

Almost half way

I'm almost half way through the two week wait - i think it helps that my wait is not quite two weeks this time. Dr. K scheduled for me to go in next Monday (two weeks from the day of my trigger shot), so technically, we are going to be waiting a little less than two weeks. Ok, let me tell you, I don't know if it was the numerous follicles, or having some of the follicles manually ruptured, but I have had SO much pain and soreness in my ovary / uterus region. Like it was hurting when I did anything, sat down, stood up, went to the bathroom! It has definitely improved (otherwise I was close to going back to the doctor), but I am still not 100%. I started the prometrium suppositories last night. My outlook has been all over the place, middle of the week, i was feeling really pessimistic. Just feeling like there was just way too much medical intervention for it to actually work. However, yesterday and today I have had some mild cramping that has given me a little more hope. And of course, I have the problem of not knowing if I really have symptoms, or if it's from the HCG shot or from the Prometrium. Such a crap shoot! I have a really busy week ahead of me, so I am hoping that the next 8 days will fly by.

A near miss

Well, I returned from my mini-vacation yesterday afternoon rested and relaxed, and ALL of that good mojo went straight down the drain when I got to my ultrasound this morning. First, the office was running way behind, it was about 45 minutes after my appointment time when i was finally seen. Then I made the mistake of trying to make small talk with the nurse doing my ultrasound, you know, ask about her weekend, etc. Well, turns out her dog got hit by a car over the weekend. So my pitiful attempt at small talk led to the nurse telling me an elaborate story and crying. All this time, I am thinking, ok, well, what do you see on the screen? Well, it turns out that apparently the Follistim worked a little too well over the weekend and I had 8 - 9 good sized follicles. So she said that the doctor would have to advise on next steps. I waited for another half hour or so just for a different nurse to come in and tell me that the doctor wanted to do bloodwork and then they'd be able to determine the next steps. On my way out, I ran into the doctor and he brought me into his office and explained that he didn't want me to have a whole football team, so likely options would be to cancel the cycle (i.e. use protection or abstinence for the next week) or do cyst asperation (where they go in and pop some of the cysts so that they won't be able to ovualte). I had no idea they could even do that??! So after two hours at the doctor, I was finally able to head to work. Nurse called around 4:10 and said, the same thing, two options. I was like, i don't want to cancel the cycle if i don't have to, so I guess i vote for the cyst asperation option. She was like, ok, well then you need to come in now for that. So I left work again (i am beginning to feel like getting pregant is a full time job...except I pay them!). Sitting in the waiting room at the doc, i was trying to do some googling on this cyst asperation. I couldn't find much, most of what i read said that if you have too many follicles they just cancel, so i don't know if this is cutting edge or what. So i was getting more and more anxious. Then it didn't help that when the nurse called me back she handed me a waiver to sign - something about uterine peforations and infections. Nice. I asked her, before i signed, do ya'll do alot of these? She said yes, I signed - I am an easy sell apparently. Doctor came in, I asked him the same question, you do alot of these? He said, I don't do alot, but we do them regularly. (whatever that means). He went on to say that he had done one on his wife if that made me feel any better. Ok, so the way this worked (at least in my non-clinical interpretation), is he used the ultrasound wand with some kind of attachment on the side which i believe was where he would insert the needle to pop the cysts. If it sounds painful, it was 100x more painful than it sounds. Likely the most pain I have ever experienced. He popped four cysts, leaving me with two on the left and two to three on the right (not sure what two to three means....two or three?....it's amazing the answers that doctors can get away with on the mere fact that they are doctors!). So he sent me home with a HCG trigger shot (Ovidrel) and instructed me to use it tonight and try Tuesday and Wednesday. Husband is going out of town on Wednesday, so Tuesday will have to be the day for us. Looking back at today in hindsight, I am wondering if I should have just thrown in the towel. I guess only time will tell. I am feeling relieved to be close to the end. We try tomorrow and then I can relax for a couple weeks. (oh yeah, i forgot, the two week wait is when the stress really kicks in) This is SO much fun.