I have thought about this day for a while now. The day that I would leave my safe, anonymous bloggosphere and enter back into the mainstream world of baby blogging. It's funny, I actually started in the blogging world about 18 months ago with the typical "family - we are having a baby!" blog - I was about 12 weeks pregnant with my first pregnancy - that i had worked darn hard for by the way. The blog was down about as quickly as it was up - i learned shortly after launching that my precious baby #1 had actually miscarried around 9 1/2 weeks. I stayed out of the blogging world as we greived that loss, still stayed away as we conceived and lost baby #2. It wasn't until I realized that I had a problem that most of my friends and family just couldn't fully relate to that I truly discovered the wonderful outlet that is the blogging world.
I found comfort in reading about the experiences of others. Comfortable enough that I started this blog. It was my little outlet that i shared with only my closest family members. I came here to look for hope in other's successes, offer comfort when other's struggled and mainly to share - here I relived all of the pain and gory details of my infertility and losses that i seemed to hold back from most of my friends.
There is a part of me that is very sad to be leaving this comfortable place. I feel a little like a traitor, abandoning the troops in the trenches. But I know that I must move forward and prepare for this wonderful gift that God has in store for us. She deserves to have a place where friends and relatives, wherever they may be located, can dote on her every move and milestone. She deserves a blog free of all of the sadness and heartbreak that I have carried with me up to this point.
To all of my blogging friends - I can never express how much my time here has meant to me. So many of you have given me words of encouragement over the past year. The blogging world is unique in that we are bonded together by our shared experiences - not by location or socio-economic status or interests. We are all very different people who have found comfort in our little corner of the internet. I plan to keep checking up on everyone and each time I say my prayers, i will say one for each of you - that you someday get to go through this same transition and experience your own miracle.
For those that wish to continue to follow my journey, I'll be moving to http://polanskifamily.blogspot.com/
Friday, March 4, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Angst, amnio, relief and more angst...
I am way overdue in making this post...where to begin....
Quad-screening - we opted to do the quad screen at the doctor's office at our 15 week visit. (for those who aren't familliar, the quad screen is a screening test for four common chromosomal abnormalities including downs syndrome and spinabifidia.) I am not exactly sure why we decided to do the screen - i think we just wanted something to be "right" in our pregnancy. Well, the song that states, "there is a first time for everything" wasn't accurate in this case. The screening didn't come back "right" - rather it showed that i had a 1 in 25 chance of our baby having downs syndrome. The typical odds based on my age would be 1 in 725. So 1 in 25 was rather elevated.
So the next step was to be referred to a perinatologist (high risk OB) - we had to wait an agonizing week for the appointment. Our OB prepared us for the appt - we would meet with a genetic counselor, be given an ultrasound and have the option for an amniocentesis. The appointment went basically like was described to me. The genetic counselor immediately put me more at ease - after reveiwing my records and asking us some family history questions, she said, i really don't think you have anything to worry about. We then met the doctor and had the ultrasound - to our relief, they saw no "markers" for down syndrome - this took our odds to 1 in 50. We had decided early on that we would go through with the amnio - I had to be prepared for whatever God had planned for us - i am a planner!! We did the amnio - it wouldn't have been that bad except our doc didn't use the right length needle and therefore, she had to stick me twice! I thought dear husband was going to kill her! Like there is not enough stress over going through with the procedure. Oh yeah, and then miss doctor let the needle come out before extracting enough fluid for the amnio and the FISH test (which is a speedy version of the amnio - results in two days!) So two sticks and had to wait the full two weeks, great, this is going swimmingly. Finally, we were done and on our way.
It was a long two week wait - i got rather sick in the middle of it - Stuck in bed with a fever and head cold. I got the results about 10 days after the procedure and to my utter relief, the chromosomes in our baby girl looked perfect! OH yeah, we are having a girl!!
Of course, that isn't quite the end. In the weeks following the amnio and being sick, my pregnancy symptoms changed a bit and i was yet to feel those first signs of movement. So i went through a couple week period where i was convinced that something was wrong with the baby - in my mind, likely a result of the poking and prodding from the amnio! For a while, I tried to ignore it, then i would have gone to the doctor for a check, but we had a week long ice / snow storm that shut our town down. So it wasn't until yestserday that I was able to get in and finally get a check on the heartbeat. It was a stressful minute or two as the nurse was poking around with the doppler. I guess the baby was moving alot because a heartbeat would be detected but then fade to nothing - and i wasn't sure if it was my heartbeat they she is moving around alot in there - and i was like, so the heartbeat was good - you would think they would provide this type of information ASAP to a clearly anxious mom-to-be! Sheesh! The doctor was much more compassionate and acknowledged that I am not their typical patient (given all i have been through to get here) and I shouldn't be afraid to come in as often as makes me comfortable. It made me love Dr. D even more than i already did (if that is even posssible)! So I think until i start to feel movement, i am going to pop in their weekly for what they call a fetal tone test (basically listening to the heartbeat).
So in a nutshell, that has been my weeks 15 through 20 of my pregnancy. I will say that going through the scare with the screening test was a true test of my faith and I am happy to report that my faith won out. Both husband and I discussed that we could deal with whatever God had planned for us and it might not be what we had envisioned or what we had "planned" but it was still God's gift to us and we would cherish it. I had come to a surprising sense of acceptance with the whole predicament by the time our appointment rolled around. I do believe everything happens for a reason, and God wanted us to experience this bump in the road for a reason. All I know is I feel like i have endured it all in preparing to welcome this little girl into our lives - I know i will never take her for granted or wish for anything else. She is our destiny - we can't wait to meet her - I know she will be such a special gift!
Quad-screening - we opted to do the quad screen at the doctor's office at our 15 week visit. (for those who aren't familliar, the quad screen is a screening test for four common chromosomal abnormalities including downs syndrome and spinabifidia.) I am not exactly sure why we decided to do the screen - i think we just wanted something to be "right" in our pregnancy. Well, the song that states, "there is a first time for everything" wasn't accurate in this case. The screening didn't come back "right" - rather it showed that i had a 1 in 25 chance of our baby having downs syndrome. The typical odds based on my age would be 1 in 725. So 1 in 25 was rather elevated.
So the next step was to be referred to a perinatologist (high risk OB) - we had to wait an agonizing week for the appointment. Our OB prepared us for the appt - we would meet with a genetic counselor, be given an ultrasound and have the option for an amniocentesis. The appointment went basically like was described to me. The genetic counselor immediately put me more at ease - after reveiwing my records and asking us some family history questions, she said, i really don't think you have anything to worry about. We then met the doctor and had the ultrasound - to our relief, they saw no "markers" for down syndrome - this took our odds to 1 in 50. We had decided early on that we would go through with the amnio - I had to be prepared for whatever God had planned for us - i am a planner!! We did the amnio - it wouldn't have been that bad except our doc didn't use the right length needle and therefore, she had to stick me twice! I thought dear husband was going to kill her! Like there is not enough stress over going through with the procedure. Oh yeah, and then miss doctor let the needle come out before extracting enough fluid for the amnio and the FISH test (which is a speedy version of the amnio - results in two days!) So two sticks and had to wait the full two weeks, great, this is going swimmingly. Finally, we were done and on our way.
It was a long two week wait - i got rather sick in the middle of it - Stuck in bed with a fever and head cold. I got the results about 10 days after the procedure and to my utter relief, the chromosomes in our baby girl looked perfect! OH yeah, we are having a girl!!
Of course, that isn't quite the end. In the weeks following the amnio and being sick, my pregnancy symptoms changed a bit and i was yet to feel those first signs of movement. So i went through a couple week period where i was convinced that something was wrong with the baby - in my mind, likely a result of the poking and prodding from the amnio! For a while, I tried to ignore it, then i would have gone to the doctor for a check, but we had a week long ice / snow storm that shut our town down. So it wasn't until yestserday that I was able to get in and finally get a check on the heartbeat. It was a stressful minute or two as the nurse was poking around with the doppler. I guess the baby was moving alot because a heartbeat would be detected but then fade to nothing - and i wasn't sure if it was my heartbeat they she is moving around alot in there - and i was like, so the heartbeat was good - you would think they would provide this type of information ASAP to a clearly anxious mom-to-be! Sheesh! The doctor was much more compassionate and acknowledged that I am not their typical patient (given all i have been through to get here) and I shouldn't be afraid to come in as often as makes me comfortable. It made me love Dr. D even more than i already did (if that is even posssible)! So I think until i start to feel movement, i am going to pop in their weekly for what they call a fetal tone test (basically listening to the heartbeat).
So in a nutshell, that has been my weeks 15 through 20 of my pregnancy. I will say that going through the scare with the screening test was a true test of my faith and I am happy to report that my faith won out. Both husband and I discussed that we could deal with whatever God had planned for us and it might not be what we had envisioned or what we had "planned" but it was still God's gift to us and we would cherish it. I had come to a surprising sense of acceptance with the whole predicament by the time our appointment rolled around. I do believe everything happens for a reason, and God wanted us to experience this bump in the road for a reason. All I know is I feel like i have endured it all in preparing to welcome this little girl into our lives - I know i will never take her for granted or wish for anything else. She is our destiny - we can't wait to meet her - I know she will be such a special gift!
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
A brief scare but hope for the New Year!
I know it's been a while since I have posted. The holidays have come and went and what a whirlwind that was. Husband and I took a 14 hour car trip with our pup to visit my family for Christmas. We then travelled on another 6 hours to go watch our alma matter in the Rose Bowl. Then, after celebrating a victory - we made the 20 hour treck back home. Are we crazy or what?!
So I had been cruising along (so to speak) feeling fairly confident that we were on track. Still not shouting it from the rooftops confident, but deep down inside that excitement and anticipation was starting to bubble up. A few days after Christmas, i woke up to spotting. GASP! Now I know all of the science that says spotting can be common in pregnancy but i hadn't spotted a drop in my first 14 weeks and hadn't spotted with my earlier pregnancies either (not like those are the model of perfection). As I sat there, the spotting sinking in, i saw the whole dream of baby going down the drain. I thought, this is it, this is how it's going to end. I immediately panicked and called Dr. K's office (the RE)...his reassuring nurse asked me a few questions - yes, it was brown rather than bright red and it wasn't even close to a period flow. She told me that everything was likely fine and to call back if it increased in flow or became red. Well, i didn't have to call back. As quickly as it had come, it went away. I did lots of laying in bed and on the couch the next couple days and I haven't seen a spot of blood since - and that was 8 days ago.
I was originally scheduled to see my regular OB next wednesday - i would be 16 weeks, but with the spotting I called and asked if i could come in this week. Luckily, they fit me in and I saw my wonderful doctor, Dr. D this morning. Within seconds of the doppler hitting my stomach, we could hear the heart beating away, stong and fast (so i knew it wasn't mine). 150 bpm - such a beutiful sound. So today we reached 15 weeks and everything still appears to be on track. My theory with the spotting is that i "overdid" it the day before - we had played golf and then i went hiking with husband and pup. Of course now I am super paranoid about exercising at all, but know that it's not good for me to become sedentary. I walked quite a bit at the Rose Bowl (out of necessity) and seemed to hold up ok. So I plan to reintroduce walking as my primary form of exercise starting tomorrow.
And in about four weeks, we are going to find out if it's a boy or a girl - can you believe it?! I can't.
So I had been cruising along (so to speak) feeling fairly confident that we were on track. Still not shouting it from the rooftops confident, but deep down inside that excitement and anticipation was starting to bubble up. A few days after Christmas, i woke up to spotting. GASP! Now I know all of the science that says spotting can be common in pregnancy but i hadn't spotted a drop in my first 14 weeks and hadn't spotted with my earlier pregnancies either (not like those are the model of perfection). As I sat there, the spotting sinking in, i saw the whole dream of baby going down the drain. I thought, this is it, this is how it's going to end. I immediately panicked and called Dr. K's office (the RE)...his reassuring nurse asked me a few questions - yes, it was brown rather than bright red and it wasn't even close to a period flow. She told me that everything was likely fine and to call back if it increased in flow or became red. Well, i didn't have to call back. As quickly as it had come, it went away. I did lots of laying in bed and on the couch the next couple days and I haven't seen a spot of blood since - and that was 8 days ago.
I was originally scheduled to see my regular OB next wednesday - i would be 16 weeks, but with the spotting I called and asked if i could come in this week. Luckily, they fit me in and I saw my wonderful doctor, Dr. D this morning. Within seconds of the doppler hitting my stomach, we could hear the heart beating away, stong and fast (so i knew it wasn't mine). 150 bpm - such a beutiful sound. So today we reached 15 weeks and everything still appears to be on track. My theory with the spotting is that i "overdid" it the day before - we had played golf and then i went hiking with husband and pup. Of course now I am super paranoid about exercising at all, but know that it's not good for me to become sedentary. I walked quite a bit at the Rose Bowl (out of necessity) and seemed to hold up ok. So I plan to reintroduce walking as my primary form of exercise starting tomorrow.
And in about four weeks, we are going to find out if it's a boy or a girl - can you believe it?! I can't.
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