The calendar in my head...

Well, i got my HCG quant back yesterday, i went from 75 to 23 in 13 days. So, another two week wait for my next round of bloodwork. (Ahhh, got to love those two week waits!!) Am I being foolishly optimistic to think that on July 29th this miscarriage might finally be in the record books? Guess we'll have to wait to find out. In the mean time, i did appear to get what seems to be a period. I know my track record far too well to just assume that bleeding means a period as it would for 99% of the rest of the female population. Maybe i am still miscarrying....maybe this is just the "bottom falling out" non-ovulation bleeding...or maybe, just maybe my body is acting like a normal 29 year old woman and i am having a reproductive cycle (GASP!).

Ok, now on to the calendar in my head. I am sure alot of you have experienced this. How you have the unnatural ability to quickly add up the time until your next treatment cycle, the length of treatment and then that hopeful 9 months and quickly spit out when your miracle baby would be born. And how when your friend, holding her 4 month old in her arms says, I'm certain ya'll will be pregnant again real soon, you immediately go to the math and think:

• Still miscarrying.....at least 4 more weeks
• Have to wait for period....4 more weeks
• Miscarriage testing...4 - 8 more weeks
• Clomid cycle...4 more weeks
• Pregnancy....9 months

And then you fight back the urge to say, yeah, hoepfully a baby just in time for your little ones 2nd birthday! Instead, you just smile and nod. :-)

On this particular day, I am feeling optimistic about the future. I know we are going to have a baby - hopefully a couple. I just have to wait my turn I guess.